Discuss amongst yourselves.

The sun is out, the birds are chirping and aiming for our heads once again. I feel awakened and ready to get my pasty skin outside so I can feel the dirt in my fingers. As our lives and particularly my lifestyle has become so computer intensive, I feel more and more of a drive to be in a natural setting. Fortunately, I live in the countryside where a trip into greenery is achieved by opening my front door. However, even if you are in a concrete jungle, there are always small city gardens and parks. If there are none nearby, go to Walmart, buy a pot, dirt, and a few seeds, a bit of plant crack (Miracle Grow) and watch them grow. There is nothing like it.

Life can get extremely complex. Something about getting back to basics, putting on an old beat up pair of jeans, a baseball cap and gloves or no gloves, planting seeds, raking, sitting on the grass…just feels natural and real. I’d highly recommend it. My memories begin to flood back to my grandfather, a mad genius in the art of the perfect compost pile and growing vegetables and fruit. He would take me around to the various plants, show me the beginnings of a zucchini, the top of a carrot, and always give me the first pick of the day. He loved watching things grow. And he was a happy man.

I miss him, and those bright, crisp Connecticut days spent learning about vegetables, patience, and various ways to annihilate beetles. So, I am back to basics, knees in the dirt, planning where to plant spring bulbs, wildflowers and new color to my world. And I can think of nothing but regrowth, rebirth, and renewal.

The sun is out, the birds are chirping and aiming for our heads once again. I feel awakened and ready to get my pasty skin outside so I can feel the dirt in my fingers. As our lives and particularly my lifestyle has become so computer intensive, I feel more and more of a drive to be in a natural setting. Fortunately, I live in the countryside where, a trip into greenery is achieved by opening my front door. However, even if you are in a concrete jungle, there are always small city gardens and parks. If there are none nearby, go to Walmart, buy a pot, dirt, and a few seeds, a bit of plant crack (Miracle Grow) and watch them grow. There is nothing like it.

Life can get extremely complex. Something about getting back to basics, putting on an old beat up pair of jeans, a baseball cap and gloves or no gloves, planting seeds, raking, sitting on the grass…just feels natural and real. I’d highly recommend it. My memories begin to flood back to my grandfather, a mad genius in the art of the perfect compost pile and growing vegetables and fruit. He would take me around to the various plants, show me the beginnings of a zucchini, the top of a carrot, and always give me the first pick of the day. He loved watching things grow. And he was a happy man.

I miss him, and those bright, crisp Connecticut days spent learning about vegetables, patience, and various ways to annihilate beetles. So, I am back to basics, knees in the dirt, planning where to plant spring bulbs, wildflowers and new color to my world. And I can think of nothing by regrowth, rebirth, and renewal.

OK, I’m tired of being serious, so here’s my latest find not that bras aren’t serious business. There is nothing better than good underwear to make one’s day. Good exercise bras are hard to come by. I’d been clinging to exercise bras for years, envisioning them as the bras they once were and not wanting to upstage them with new, perky ones. But, there are new fabrics, materials and styles that just blew my mind away and alas, I’ve found exercise bra zen.

Yes, it is that exciting finding a bra you literally don’t even think about. You are supposed to be sweating to the oldies and not thinking about your clothes. My trainer who is a marathoning, spinning instructor and my personal drill sargeant, complained to me one day that her bras were just not up to par. I had just found these fabulous creations and suggested she try them. Literally she has thanked me every time I’ve worked out with her since. Not that this good will caused her to ease up on my sorry ass. But, alas, pain is good for me! She stated, she not only didn’t notice the bra, but it wicked sweat, she was comfortable, had no irritating chafing, and she literally didn’t move. She is the ideal bra tester because she works out more and harder than anyone I’ve met. Now, we are of the well-endowed sort, but not huge, so if you are a DD or higher, you probably will move around, but you won’t knock yourself out.

There are two models. One is criss-crossed in the back which may be better for larger busts. I got both and love each. The one with the regular bra back I like because I don’t have to turn myself into a sweaty pretzel to get out of it. The prices are good and you can even order them with coupon codes you might find on Retail Me Not. Also, they wash easily and I can’t feel the underwire on the wired one.

First one:

Champion® Double Dry® Seamless Underwire Sports Bra

Style 19498C Compare at $ 40.00 Price $ 32.99 each.

“High MCR=High Motion Control Rating for B-D cups.

Tired of sweaty discomfort and painful bounce? Try this soft, seamless yet incredibly supportive Double Dry® Champion sports bra. It’s ideal for intense activities such as running and aerobics.

• Exclusive Double Dry fabric wicks moisture away from your skin. Result: You stay drier during workouts, and you cool down faster afterward.
• Full inner bra gives superb support, even during strenuous sports.
• Triple-cushioned hidden underwires add support and shaping.
• Knit-in rib panels stabilize bust to help stop damaging bounce.
• Seamless outer panel for smoothness everywhere.
• Built-in stretch provides flexible fit.
• Adjustable straps & back hook closure deliver a custom fit.

A classic compression, High Motion Control Champion sports bra. Nylon/spandex. Imported.”

Second one:

Champion® Powerback™ Wirefree Sports Bra

Style 115380D Compare at $ 36.00 Price $ 27.99 each.

” The Champion PowerBack bra is our new maximum support sports bra designed for C-DD cups. It delivers superior performance and bans the bounce for fuller busts. Wear this wirefree Champion Sports Bra for comfortably firm support in sizes up to 42DD. The same bra as Champion retail number 1693.

• Controlled stretch evenly disperses weight and stabilizes bust for better balance and comfort.
• Soft, supple moisture-wicking fabric keeps you cooler and drier, even during intense activities.
• Mesh panel outlines neckline for extra ventilation.
• PowerBack design provides superior support while stretching for full range of motion.
• Inner cup binding minimizes bounce.
• Curved, wider straps keep pressure off shoulders. Straps adjust in back for a custom fit.
• Baby soft cushioned hook closure for flexible fit.

Maximum Motion Control for C-DD cups; Wicking.

A wirefree, full-support sports bra designed for larger busts. Body: 76% nylon/24% spandex. Mesh: 89% nylon/11% spandex. Imported.”

I purchased both at One Hanes Place.

One sanity-saving idea I’ve kept in mind more and more as I’ve gained experience and years is the knowledge that anything, no matter how tough, is time limited and will pass. Do you remember struggles of 5 years ago? No, because you are probably focusing on what’s bugging you now. But, as those struggles are fig newtons of your imagination now, pressing issues today will also fade. That does not mean you should ignore them or that pain or problems on your plate now are unimportant, but it does mean just to hold on tight and it’ll get better.

So, my most recent (hormonally charged) emotional difficulties and regression is over. And it was short-lived and I did think, hey, I’m not going to die from this and time still passes no matter what. And it did. The sun came out and I can’t remember what I was feeling (almost).

There was a psychological study done in years past that piqued my interest. A circle with a segment missing was shown to various people. The study participants were asked to discuss what they saw. Guess what? Everyone focused completely on the little bit that was missing. What does this mean? That we noticed and pay heed to what is absent. Not what has either already been accomplished or what is going well. And that includes people who are in our lives now and not just on those gone. One huge lesson I’ve learned from this is to remember we are a problem-solving sort, us humans, and even though this is fantastic…it is also very important to spend some time remembering what we DO have and what struggles we’ve already pushed through, and what is going well. Maybe this seems pointless in some sense, because there are no clear action points to take, but the benefit is huge by stopping our fixing and just resting and relaxing on our laurels.

Suggested reading from my absolutely favorite children’s author: The Missing Piece by Shel Silverstein

“In this Shel Silverstein’s thought-provoking work, a uncompleted circle sets off to find his missing piece. The moral of the poem? Sometimes you feel that you are missing something but when you actually find the missing piece, you are happier with the original you.”

“This gentle fable is the simple story of a circle who is looking for its missing piece. What it finds on its search for the missing piece is simply and touchingly told in this fable that gently probes the nature of quest and fulfillment.”

It is a children’s book, but ever so wise for adults to read. Sometimes a return to basics is most important. Shel Silverstein so sadly died prematurely at age 66, while he was continuing to create drawings and writings that captured my imagination as a child.

If you want to take a trip back in time or you have kids, check out this awesome site, Books of Wonder.

Do you ever find yourself irate at yourself? Well, I do. Lately my anger stems from a recent, but short-lived (thankfully!) feeling that I want something I actually do not want or especially need. I will delve only minorly into the hard facts, which are that I am moving on from a marriage that I left for good reason. And, for no imaginable reason, I occasionally feel like I was dumped. I was duped, but not dumped, surely. And as my soon-to-be-ex has expressed innumerable feelings of wishing to get back with me (in subtle and not-so-subtle ways), and I rebuffed these offers, I am still feeling a bit dazed and confused recently.

The absolute truth is that we loved and probably will always have a place in each other’s hearts for each other, but the relationship was a happiness killer of the highest order. As I value joy and laughter, I was particularly irritated with my complete inability to tap into who I am (a free-spirited, joyful, jokester) for 3 solid years. I was dead inside and I am now a wee sprouting plant again, finding joy in all the little teeny things about life. While I will always feel I overstayed (even though it was only 2-1/2 yrs), I am angry at myself for still having the annoying feeling lately of being dumped.

We all want to be wanted, don’t we? But sometimes it is absolutely good and just to let go of a desire to be wanted by a particular person who is not good to be wanted by. Point in case is my desire to be endlessly wanted by my soon-to-be-ex, the name we shall not speak. Ok, I’ve been reading Harry Potter lately…oops. So, let’s just say that Voldemort, is not the one I should want to want me. Who’s confused yet? But the important detail is that I’ve thought about the indigestion of the heart I’ve had over the past few days. Want me, gosh darnit, and forever!@!! Not some other biatch! But me!! But is that really fair to either of us? Or realistic? And why should it be Voldemort?

Yes, I am fabulous. Ok, haha. I am patting myself on the back, but it is OK to let go and be wanted by a new, yet blindingly fabulous and handsome man. It is all about letting go, that annoying and un-fun thing we must do throughout life. I did leave for a reason and I keep having to remind myself that.

Letting go of the hate, the love, the fears, the bitterness, the hopes, the dreams for that PARTICULAR person. And, just sitting with the pain in the moment and letting go…will allow me, and anyone who gets this dilemna, to move on. And moving on is my new theme song. I need to just dive in and be ok with it and recognize that familiarity is not always good or healthy. Familiarity feels good only because you know it. And it’s safe. But is that always good? How many people stay in toxic friendships and marriages, relationships who are simply staying because the person is like an old shoe to them. And they don’t want to toss it in the bin. It may be frayed, moth-eaten, and may cause you a rash, but hey, you know it, so gosh darnit, I’m going to stick to it. Out of loyalty or complete stupidity.

So, I heretofore go forward into the unknown. It’s like bungee jumping. I may go splat! But it is as equally sure that the new splat will be somehow done with more elegance and knowledge and power…because I have learned from the pain that I sat in most uncomfortably. It means that I will shut the door and about 1000 doors can open. New conversations, new dreams to share, new passions. And isn’t that pretty darn exciting?? I keep telling myself that and I will begin to believe it the more I say it.

I had a wonderful conversation tonight with an amazing friend of mine. Her keen sensitivity to others’ feelings and thoughts makes her both a wonderful friend and listener. The reason I feel such a bond is also because it is such a give-and-take friendship. We’ve both been in one-sided friendships, I suspect. I’ve definitely been the perennial (unpaid) therapist and woke up to this unsatisfying relationship. No more of that for me.

I have learned so much from her and continue to be inspired every time we speak. She shines a bright flashlight on issues I have not seen previously, makes me think, and also brings a brand new perspective, which is a welcome salve to my occasionally frayed nerves. She is also incredibly upbeat and alive with ideas and inspiration and also makes me laugh out loud. Again, she is one of a kind, and I’ve never met anyone like her before. I feel truly blessed.

In our disconnected, increasingly computerized world, real human contact…I speak of the face-to-face sort…is rarer and rarer it seems. There are virtual worlds and video games, online communities, texting, emailing, and probably other modalities I neither know about or don’t have the time for. While all of these connections do help fulfill our basic human requirement for closeness and love…the most basic interactions (a hug, a phone call) pack more of a punch than all of these new-fangled modalities rolled up in a big fat sandwich of love. One phone call, like the one I had tonight, made me feel happy and more connected and more understood (really isn’t that all we need?).

There were times in my life when I literally didn’t have a hug for 3 months. Embarrassing to admit, but true nonetheless. I never actually talked about it, not for shame reasons, but more because I didn’t even realize it. I was working like mad in a busy hospital with little sleep or time for a minute’s glance in the mirror to notice, but I was paler and lonelier than I have ever been. I had brief phone calls with loved ones but was living in a cold, unfriendly city that starts with Man and ends with Tan. And I know for a fact that I was one of many untouched souls.

I guess that’s why people pick so many ways of covering up pain or sadness or loneliness. In a bottle or through short-term intimacies. Those modalities weren’t my choice. I was a Netflix addict. I’d get lost in dreamlands far, far away and return in 2 hours and remember I had another tough day ahead and would start over again. Still I was blinding myself from my true needs that were hard to admit.

For me, I finally woke up and paid attention to myself and started reaching out to family and friends and focusing in on people I could envision getting close to. It’s amazing how that first hug cured weeks of cold nights. While I don’t criticize electronic connections of any sort (email, texting, etc.), I am simply saying that in addition, focusing on the physical world is a must.

It is all about being honest with yourself and paying attention to the most basic feelings. If you do one thing and you feel good, do it again. Simple as that. I’m not talking about thrills. I’m talking about a deep, lasting goodness. If someone makes you feel badly, avoid this person. It’s worse being with someone who makes you feel sad than being alone! If it’s not that simple, investigate and use your noggin. Why are you feeling good sometimes with someone but sometimes you don’t? Speak up. Ask for what you need from that person.

We make a heck of a lot of excuses for throwing away our lives doing miserable damage to ourselves and others around us. And why? Because we can be short-sighted or insensitive to others and ourselves and frankly, by just living blindly.

So open your eyes. Be honest to yourself. Call up a friend who is having a rough time. Send a postcard to someone you love, even though you live in the same house. Remember birthdays, even if you just send a card. Get rid of toxic relationships. Be a good friend to yourself.

My latest find to minimize my daily work distraction is by using a fabulous program called Leech Block. Quite a creepy name…but the purpose of the application is utterly clear. Internet surfing, leeching valuable time out of your work day, is stopped in its tracks. For those who can’t resist checking on that ebay order, or Etrade in these volatile financial times, you are absolutely forbidden access during any specified time and/or day. As I mentioned in my last post, it takes roughly 15 minutes to return to a good, productive concentration level after an interruption. So, the less distraction, the longer you can remain in a “flow state” of intense learning, concentration and productivity.

It is free and simple and an add-on for the fabulous Mozilla Firefox. (Why I didn’t switch sooner from Internet Exploder, I’ll never know.)

Download here: Leech Block.

The author description: LeechBlock is a simple productivity tool designed to block those time-wasting sites that can suck the life out of your working day. All you need to do is specify which sites to block and when to block them.

When setting up the application, you can opt for the ability to undermine Leech Block  in a moment of desperate procrastination or not. The creators of Leech Block seem to understand the sometimes crackhead addiction some may have to searching the net. So, your little paws are slapped if you try to risk a search. Almost knowing you can’t go searching is warning enough. And you are one step closer to discipline, concentration, improved productivity and going after your goals.

Note: Contrary to popular belief, I am not an old, bearded, Prussian man as displayed in this photo.

So my head is not exactly exploding, but again I must blather on about information overload. I recall back to my college days (which may date me significantly), the first word of this wild thing called the “internet.” I was sitting in the basement of my intense little college library trying to concentrate on various papers and exam preparation and some little geek came up to me to stalk/inform me of the excitement of communication between others of my own college via the computer.

I decided he might have a point, however avoided asking him further as he had a one-sided love-affair with me and that others, less frightening than him, may offer useful info. (For those ladies out there…is there anything more annoying than someone wanting to date you that completely doesn’t respect the words “no thank you,” who push you to being rude, which you don’t want to be? It’s as if your interest or disinterest is completely irrelevant!) Anyhoo, so I will move to the present time.

I am constantly seeking a better way to organize so I don’t confuse/irritate my friends with my slow response time to emails, and so I can complete work in chunks of no-interruption time. I read somewhere that after every interruption, it takes literally 15 mins to return to a steady state of good concentration. And that means email, phone calls, pagers, and people just popping by your desk to say “hey.” How do you keep up, concentrate AND answer important emails that if you don’t answer in 5 minutes, people assume you have (a) died, (b) left the country, (c) have gone mad, or (d) aren’t actually doing your work.

Is it possible that you have (a) gone to the loo, (b) are actually doing work or (c) can’t keep up or (d) have brain waves that go a normal speed rather than the light-speed expectations of today? Sometimes I feel like revolting against my manic life to march on Washington just to protest the increased information overload and the ridiculous expectations. I like the brain that I was given, however it is feeling tired of late with all of the pressures placed upon it.

As a former doctor in a very busy Manhattan hospital, I remember getting 10 pages at once, with three of those being from irate nurses demanding that I see 3 new admissions at once. Hmm… Unless I could duplicate myself like in that horrid Multiplicity movie with Michael Keaton I’m embarrassed to admit I have seen, is this logical? I instead calmed them down, stated my difficult situation (which they seriously were bored by) and just went about my work to treat and heal those in need. And, isn’t quality important too? I wouldn’t have been satisfied with a subpar job of helping someone either.

So somehow one needs to strike a balance between speed and quality. I am a fast-moving and thinking person thankfully, but I am struggling at times. Because sometimes the noggin isn’t up to par. Some of these issues will not be answered here, but I have a few suggestions and thoughts.

1. Stop trying to please everyone and look for approval:

A difficult feat, but a necessary goal. Obviously, if those around you are screaming foul and you aren’t doing your work on time or submitting complete crap, then OK…you need to listen and learn. This is different from seeking approval. I have learned to look for education in people’s assessment, rather than simply pats on the back to assuage my ego. So, check your attitude at the door, learn to like you and learn to take criticism and compliments as a way for betterment purposes.

2. Set realistic goals:

I am a chronic optimist, but a wise person once said, it is far lovelier to exceed expectations than to disappoint. So, PUSH BACK and say when you can’t do something. You are not a failure in saying no, but just get off your high horse and take a real look at what you can do and not the Olympic athlete you think you are.

3. Shut off technology for periods of time:

While the computer is a brilliant piece of machinery providing a portal to the world, it is also a time sink and a barrier to real life sometimes. Just going for a walk and looking at real trees, not ones in high def, is good for recharging the mind. Put a reminder on your computer of when these breaks should be.

4. Sprint and rest:

I got in the habit for a while and am back to doing this of setting a digital timer in front of me (the ticking bomb kind drive me mad) set at 15 min intervals. I work for 15, rest for 5, work for 15, rest for 5. My brain gets into fitness without too much fatigue AND I have mini-breaks to always motivate and look forward to.

5. Feed me:

Without fuel, your car will sputter to a halt. Same goes for the boulder on your shoulders. I always eat breakfast, lunch and dinner and rarely snack. Yes, I am that boring. It is not just about satisfying urges and eating exciting pretty food. There is a purpose. Without calories and the right foods, you won’t be thinking to your maximum potential. This is a sample day for me.

Breakfast

Kasha (whole grain cereal)
Skim milk
tea
banana/grapefruit/blueberries

Lunch

Smoothie (with whey protein powder and mixture of whatever fruit I fancy)

Dinner

protein (salmon, chicken)
vegetables
fruit
bread product

I find that eating a whole grain cereal provides energy and makes me full. While I like Rice Chex, Cheerios and other cereals, they just don’t do it for me. I end up getting hungry and can’t think. Think about food in terms of pleasure but also in terms of purpose and you’ll be in good shape.
And, you can vary quantity and add other foods throughout the day. A salad or sandwich with the smoothie is probably a good idea, but I simply am too lazy to make it or don’t have the time to spare. And there’s sometimes quite satisfying about grinding shit up.

6. Make choices:

I simply cannot be receiving pages, getting IMs and Facebook invites all day long. I shut this stuff off until later. And, I simply say NO to various things. So, decide how you can simplify your life and what is just making you nuts and just don’t do it. It’s as simple as that. I can’t be IMing, emailing, on my cell, fielding phone calls AND concentrating on my work at the same time. I’m just not that good. So, do what works for you. Example in point: I bought a PDA a few years back and found it to be annoying. I returned it. I bought an global Blackberry because I can get emails on the go, cellphone calls and international ones if needed, my calendar, to-dos, and a variety of other things, while easily syncing with my laptop or desktop. Helps. And, I shut off my home phone.

Good luck to you!

As you may have guessed, that lady is me. I am a still a slim, tiny individual, however more recent events in my life, including an international move of my vast array of items, increased my stress quotient considerably. As a result, relief can take the form of over-noshing or a variety of other vices. Today, I shall write less about stuffing one’s face, but more about stress and coping.

It has been said that an unexamined life is not worth living. I firmly believe this, however an over-examined life can also lead to a self-obsessed individual who is quite a bore. But, being that something in the middle exists, it is important to get off the rapid pace of one’s life and look at the whys and hows of our days. The speed of one’s life may seem necessary, however taking control and stepping out for a walk or even a brief tea or coffee during the work day is possible. I find myself deep in thought under the hair dryer, on long drives or in the shower.

We all have stress. And sometimes it spills over. But how you choose to cope is the curious bit. People go through life with stress-related illnesses or bad behaviors (i.e., drug use, binge drinking, affairs) without ever spending five minutes to think. What pain are you covering up? Are you avoiding pain? And why?

While I’m not suggesting ripping off the blinders all the time and experiencing searing emotional reality every minute of our days, I’m only stating doing so every so often that you should look a bit more closely as to the reason why…so that you can choose healing coping techniques. In small doses, doing a check-up of your happiness is necessary. What makes you happy? And are you on the path towards this goal? or are you just blindly mucking about and coping in ways that make you feel numb without any benefit?

We are the captain of our own ships, even though blame is quite tempting. There is something empowering too about stating, I chose to dive straight into a hole. It may not seem so at first, but without acceptance of this very fact, it is difficult to learn hard truths about ourselves AND to move forward. I’m not stating that everything is our fault, but recognizing our part is essential for then taking control, and stepping onto our next pathway. And blame isn’t the point. It’s the moment of understanding of our own power that you can state, I’m going to turn right not left.

While analyzing yourself in those moments of stress relief, whether it be of healthy or unhealthy means, look and see what is underneath. Is it because you are lonely that you nosh? Lately this might be me. Is it because you are angry for being slighted at work? Or you are mistreated at home? Or you are on X-box or whatever techie toy for 10 hours straight because you are lacking intimacy at home and it’s easier to shoot aliens than to strike up a chat? At this point of understanding is when you can say, hey, I am going to CHOOSE a path that will go towards happiness or blindness or more grief. If you don’t see what you’re doing, it’s nearly impossible to make conscious decisions.

If you are drinking yourself sick every night, is this helping? I sincerely doubt it. Any numbing technique is usually leading no where. But at this moment instead, you think, hey I am in control. What makes me happy? For one it may be choosing relationships right in front of you that are healthy and satisfying. Perhaps you can plan a trip to Greece with a close friend. Or to start looking for a new job? or to ask your current boss for more stimulating work? Or you can take a local pottery course? Think about the end goal. If it’s connecting with more people or leaving an unhealthy past behind, choose a coping activity that is treatment in itself. Because as much as life may seem to be on a set course, you are at the helm of your own ship.

Here are a bunch of helpful links:

U of Iowa
About.com
More Coping
Goal Setting